It's been almost a year since i lost my grandmother. She who brought me up to become who I am today, has visited me in my dreams that seemed so real that I can feel the heat from her hand while I was holding her. From preschool, to primary school, to highschool, to college, to working life, my grandmother never fails to support me in whatever I do. Despite the limited supply of money that time, we were ale to make things work. I would work hard and be independent enough to try to do things on my own. But at the end of the day, her mere presence boils me back to her warmth and love. My parents weren't there but I was satisfied and full of love. I was Happy. Now, I travel back and forth from my hometown to my work. On average, I would take 2 to 3 trips to visit my family and friends. I would have the drive to really make plans to visit or go on vacation with my grandmother and the family on her birthday or Christmas. It was one of the most sought-after events of my life. i would come back to work feeling happy and at the same time sad of leaving her again for work in abroad. She would always be the strong one to never look sad nor weak in our eyes. She felt happy for me that I was working and earning well. For her, it was necessary for my future. To make enough income and savings in preparation for my future family. She has been through a lot and learned that we need financial security in order to live a good life. That embedded in my head. After three and a half years of working, I decided to go back on the year that follows. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to be with her knowing that she is at her final years. On her 83rd year, my family have constantly been traveling to places. Locally and internationally. My pocket would, most of the time, be empty from spending here and there. I would think a lot on how to make up for the expenses we've done or about to do on that year. Nonetheless, we went through with it anyway. We were so happy together traveling, eating, swimming, laughing and enjoying life. Our last trip for the year is Thailand around September or October of 2014. We wanted to go somewhere new and endulge ourselves in an insatiable shopping experience. Unfortunately, my grandmother died on August 30, 2014. We weren't able to make it to out last vacation destination. It was the saddest point of my life to know that the mother who raised me has gone to the next life. It was a shock for the whole family especially to those who have been with her for so long. She was one of those old people who was never confined in a hospital for old age sickness. She was strong and active for her age. The same reason that some people mistake her as someone 10 years younger. After she left, the family did a fresh start. A new life to start off with her in heaven. Honestly, it took some effort and strength to admit it and move on. As a family who seldom show sad emotions, we kept to ourselves some moments of her. For me, she would visit me in my dreams. She would talk to me and make me feel as though she has never left at all. Twice this time that she would hold my hand and talk to me. I can feel the warmth and firmness of her palm on mine. I would clearly remember how she stood or sat or how her face was during that time. She would always be smiling at me. And then I would wake up and realize it was all a dream. It hurts to know that some things can never last. I would always tell myself, in order to keep from hurting more is, to know that she is now with God. Now she doesn't feel any pain. She watches over all of us all the time. She is happy with the rest of our dearly departed family members. She is with grandfather and her sisters in heaven. I would remind myself of these things. But most of all, I would always pray to God that someday, I will see her again when the time comes. So until then Ma... |