It's the start of a new year. 1st of January, 2015. Usually, you expect to hear aftermaths of fireworks from last night. Some small pops here and there. Expect a messy confetti-filled streets everywhere. See traces of a post grand celebration as we all enter a whole new year. But unfortunately, there's none. It's quiet here. It feels like a regular day. No warm feeling, no spark of excitement. It's painfully lonely. Away from your loved ones. Away from home. I would like to keep pretending to be strong. To keep smiling and keep happy. But the truth is, living abroad away from family and friends really hurts. Seeing families reunited in social media makes it worst. There's nothing more unbearable than seeing those hugs, smiles, laughters and sharing that I could not achieve presently. Necessity is one thing I blame. We all need money. We can't attain that amount if we stayed with our families. We have a pile of bills to pay and we have to suck it up to cope with it. It just pains us to see our loved ones struggle financially, so we make a decision and man up to look for better opportunities abroad. Unfortunately, we all have our limits. Its almost 4 years since I started working abroad and its beginning to drag me down and feel depressed. After my family left to fly back home, I felt so sad and drank beer that night. Although it's not exactly the beer you may be thinking but the sight of me sulking in one corner and beer in hand is depressing. Just like those sad scenes you see on movies. For the first time, being left alone during one of the best holidays of the year is the most uninvited feeling in my life. It sucks to be away from home. It sucks to be alone. Everything else is just so grey. I am not one who rants every now and then but sometimes it just feels so good to let out our emotions of depression and sadness. It keeps up reminded that we are only human beings. Prone to break down once in a while. Prone to feel this down and miserable. And we have every right to feel so. With how the world is now, if you're not bred from a wealthy family, you are doomed to have the same fate. For the average person, you have two choices: Stay strugglingly poor (literally another day, another dollar) together with family or try to take on a risk of bigger pastures on some foreign but greener land away from home. It's a decision we all have to make. Which ever we choose, we will always face the struggle. The struggle to survive. |
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